georgiamocha

Im on my bed.
Im feeling weird. Inside.
Okay... Nara told me today something that Seb said ages ago about me, and it was a long time ago, but it still hurts. She asked me all these questions, what would I do if he ever actually raped a girl? And other such related things. No marriage possible said the card and I knew that. Its like Im doomed to end up like Marie-Therese even though Im so intent on fighting fate. Im like a toy and I want to be stronger than that but Im afraid of the usual. Of blocking out love before its gone, to never find it again. 

 I spent yesterday with Brett and it was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed just easy going hanging out with him. Freedom Writers was such a good movie, and I talked him into watching Across the Universe hahaha. Today I saw Yes Man with Layla, and I was overly energised I feel, I embarassed her a bit in public by singing and smiling but she'll get over it. She thinks Im so weird, I love it. Then I went to Nara's to watch Sin City with her and Jess, after Jess left thats where we had the talk... Im a bit sick of hearing how other people percieve me. How they think I feel, and how they thought I did. It doesnt really matter but it gets on my nerves because a lot of its untrue. Whether I like it or not I was turned into this person that Im not, and the school sees me as being it. I can only hold my head high and focus on the things that do matter to work my way out of it.

Characterization... I despise it. Dont call someone something they're not or say that is what they are when you know it isnt just to get a reaction because it makes you an actual dickhead really.

I will stick to the plan. Friendship, a strong friendship. But that doest mean Im not suffering all the way through. Its hard for me to give up something that still kicks inside my heart, thats why Im trying to turn it into a good thing. At least Im not losing him completely.